Setting: Woman seated in a chair, with a pen and pad of paper. As
she speaks, she writes. Actual hats can be used throughout the skit as
well as other props to serve as visual aides, but it is optional.
Dear Ladies Home Journal,
I am writing in response to your latest request. You asked all the
mothers out there to write in and tell you what motherhood means to them.
Well, I can sum up motherhood in one simple word: hats.
"Hats?" you may say. "Yes. Hats." Allow me to
explain by describing a typical day in my life as a mother:
The alarm clock rings. After hitting the "snooze" button for
the 5th time, I decide to get up. Upon making my way down the
stairs, the first words that greet my ears are "Mommy, what’s for
breakfast?" As I stumble into the way-too-bright kitchen, waiting for
my eyes to adjust, I ask in a hopeful tone, "Who wants cold cereal
this morning?" No response. "Pop tart?" No response.
"Breakfast bar?" Silence.
"Momma panny cake?" asks a little voice. "Eggs,"
says the bigger one. ‘I want oatmeal," says my oldest. I
breathe a huge sigh, as I fumble around for my chef’s hat. (reaches
over and puts on hat) "Okay," I say meekly, "but first
mommy needs a huge cup of coffee!"
Several dirty dishes, sticky hands and messy faces later, I trade in my
chef’s hat for that of a fashion designer. (puts on a stylish looking
hat) "No Jimmy, purple and orange don’t go together," I
say. "Neither do flowers and stripes Jennifer." I sent the
oldest back to her closet, then help dress the younger two until they look
fabulous.
Getting Jennifer ready for school and Jimmy ready for pre-school
requires my best secretarial hat. (takes off fashion hat and puts on a
business looking hat and/or glasses) Looking at my calendar, I
announce, "Jen has dance after school, then soccer practice at 5:30.
Jim goes to the zoo today for a field trip. He needs his
backpack....check.....lunch money.....check....suntan
lotion....check....and his permission slip." (looks around
frantically) "Oh no, where’s his permission slip? I just had it
yesterday!"
Fifteen minutes later, the permission slip is safely tucked in Jim’s
backpack. Okay, so maybe it ended up at the bottom of the garbage can, and
maybe it had a little smudge of ketchup on it, and maybe it had some
eggshell pieces and coffee grounds stuck to it, but at least he’s got
it.
As we get into the car, I put on my chauffeur’s hat. (put on a
chauffeur hat) I drive Jen to the elementary school, and Jim to
pre-school, which is clear on the other side of town, (of course), then
little Jake and I head to the cleaners, the grocery story, and the bank,
where I realize I forgot the check I was supposed to deposit. I head back
home to get the check, then go back to the bank, and then back home again.
Okay, maybe before getting home I stop by the bakery and get a few
chocolate donuts, but only because I realize it’s going to be "one
of those days," and nothing helps on "one of those days"
quite like chocolate.
Skits
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