Ryan: Hello everyone and welcome to "America’s Idol," the #1 reality show, in the country. Last year, over 8 million of you voted for the Sony 900 inch big screen t.v. as your favorite Idol. And what a great idol it was.

Who could forget that picture within a picture, within a picture, within a picture, within a picture? Or the surround sound stereo that projected more than three blocks away? Last year, it was a t.v. that won your heart. What will America’s Idol be this year?

Before we meet our contestants, let’s introduce the judges. Straight from the dawgpound, here he is, Mr. Randy Jackson.

Randy: (Randy enters) What up, dawg?

Ryan: Next, we have America’s sweetheart, the lovely Ms. Paula Abdul.

Paula: (Paula enters, blowing kisses) I love you! I love you all!

Ryan: And finally, last but certainly not least, Mr. Cranky Pants himself, Mr. Simon Cowell.

Simon: (Simon enters) Let’s get on with it, shall we?

Ryan: All right, looks like our first contestant is making his way to the judges. Let’s see what happens.

Randy: Hey dawg, how ya doin? What’s your name and why are you here?

Jeff: Well Randy, my name is Jeff and I’m here because I think this laptop could be America’s Idol.

Randy: Okay dawg, show us what you got.

Jeff: This is my Acer laptop. It’s about twelve years old...

Simon: Twelve years old? Are you kidding me?

Jeff: No sir. I got this when I went to work at my new company, and it’s still working fine.

Simon: What kind of software are you running on that piece of junk?

Jeff: I don’t think it’s junk sir, it still works fine.

Simon: What kind of software?

Jeff: Windows 95.

Simon: (aghast) Windows 95?

Randy: Dawg, this doesn’t look for you dawg. You know what I’m sayin’? Come on, Windows 95 dawg?

Jeff: It still runs just fine though.

Paula: I love Windows 95!

Randy: You love everything, Paula.

Simon: What kind of high speed do you have?

Jeff: I don’t have high speed at this time. I’m using dial up.

Simon: What? Dial up? And you really think that trash is good enough to be America’s Idol?

Jeff: Yes sir, I do. What’s wrong with it?

Simon: It’s useless, that’s what it is. It’s dreadful.

Jeff: (hurt) Really?

Simon: Probably the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s ghastly.

Randy: Yeah dawg...no high speed, Windows 95, it’s not good. That thing has no business being an Idol man.

Jeff: Paula, what do you think?

Paula: I think you’re very brave for coming here today. Don’t give up on your dreams.

Simon: I’m sorry Jeff, two out of three "no’s." I’m afraid this is the end of the road for you.

Jeff: Okay. (walks to Ryan)

Paula: Love you anyway!

Ryan: Oooh, tough break, huh? The judges were pretty hard on you. Do you have anything you want to say?

Jeff: I’d just like to say that Windows 95 is still great software and I think there’s probably lots of people out there who love it like I do. Simon doesn’t know what he’s talking about. (exits)